The 30 day no contact rule – what is it and how does it work?

So … we’re going to talk about the 30 day no contact rule. You may have heard of this already and you may not have.

For that reason …

We’re going to first look at the basics of what it is and how it works:

What is the 30 day no contact rule?

Simply put … It’s a simple rule of thumb saying that you should go 30 days without contact with your ex girlfriend. Even though that is probably the last thing you want to do … there’s a good reasoning for this 30 day period.

Think of it like a relationship “time out” or a “cooling off” period.

Is it really that simple?

Yep. Try not to make it more complicated than it is. The beauty is in the simplicity of it. Lots of times, guys will ask a million questions about the no contact rule when really all they need to know is … Go around 30 days without contact.

Simple is usually better.

Of course, I know all too well that me saying to keep it simple … isn’t going to be enough. You probably still have questions … so I’m going to give you answers.

What is the psychology of the 30 day no contact rule?

It’s a mixture of things really.

1) You get the chance to put away old baggage related to the relationship.

If you are going to win her back and make it work this time around, all the old baggage has to be put down. You have to leave what is in the past … in the past. Hopefully she’ll do the same. But even if she doesn’t … all you can really control is what you do. The 30 day no contact period allows you to let go of any emotions that would sabotage you later on down the road.

2) You get the chance to work on yourself.

Time to tuck your pride away for a minute. We all have things we can work on. The 30 day no contact period gives you time to do just that. Part of what’s going to work to win her back is appearing “brand new” in some shape or form. And you can’t appear brand new if she hears from you or sees you all of the time.

3) She gets to feel the psychology of “loss.”

This is that ol’ … absence makes the heart grow fonder in action. She can’t really miss you or wish you were around … if you are always around. This 30 day period allows her to feel like what life is really like without you around.

4) You get to see if you really want her back.

Okay … so when you lose a woman … when the relationship ends … it’s painful. And what do we want to do? We want to end that pain and often we assume that getting her back is going to do the trick.

But quite often …

A lot of guys do find that they actually DON’T want her back after they have 30 days with no contact.

This is because when all the emotions are let go of … when you are getting on with your life and having fun and working on yourself …

You may just find that you actually want a NEW and BETTER girlfriend.

How long should you go with no contact with your ex girlfriend?

30 days. Kinda why it’s called the 30 day no contact rule. Although, that shouldn’t be seen as set in stone completely. Sometimes a few days less and sometimes a few day more will do the trick. Truth is, any guy who’s been pestering his ex girlfriend or coming across as really needy?

He might need more than 30 days.

Does the 30 day no contact period always work to win back an ex girlfriend?

Nope. Not always. To be totally blunt about it … the reality is that some couples should not be together. This is why one of the benefits I already mentioned was that you might find you actually don’t want your ex girlfriend back after all.

That may be a good thing.

Plenty of guys have pined away for a girl … only to find later on that when they look back on her?

They really wouldn’t want to be with her again anyways.

Does no contact with your ex girlfriend mean you can’t text her?

Yep. Texting is a form of contact. No texting for 30 days. If she texts you and it would come across cold and rude if you don’t reply at all … a simple, “Hey I’m really busy right now” might be in order.

Does no contact with your ex girlfriend also mean you can’t message her on Facebook or Instagram?

Exactly. No contact means you even have to cut off contact online. There are no loopholes here. It’s about cutting off contact for 30 days.

Question About No Contact With My Ex

Question:  Hello, I’ve been trying to follow the rule of having no contact with my ex girlfriend, but I am having a hard time. See, we live close to one another and attend the same gym, go to the same stores, etc. So, I really can’t have no contact at all with her. I am going to see her in social situations from time to time or just when I am out and about. How should I handle this?

Answer:  When it comes to having no contact with an ex girlfriend, sometimes you really are in a situation where you can’t literally have no contact at all. You don’t want to walk right past her and totally ignore her. Well, you could probably get away with doing that once or twice but beyond that and it is going to look like you are just ignoring her to spite her and that is not a good way to leave things open to reconciliation at some later point in time.

In these kinds of situations, the best thing that you can do is have LIMITED contact with her. For example, you are in the gym and you walk by her and she makes eye contact with you. If you totally ignore her, you are going to look like you are doing that just to be a jerk and that’s not a good thing. However, you can give her a quick nod hello and a smile and carry on as if you are so focused on working out that you don’t have time to chat. That is still going to have a positive effect because of the fact that you didn’t act like a jerk to her, but you also didn’t stop to spend time with her.

Or, you can shoot the breeze with her for a moment or two and then walk on to do whatever else it was that you were going to do. The key benefit from applying no contact or in this case limited contact is to NOT act like most guys who try to give their ex girlfriend TOO MUCH attention after the break up, to not get into any little spats that might cause her to end up hating you, and to make her feel curious about you.

You can do all of those things by having limited contact with her.

I know, there are some people that are a little bit to literal when they talk about having no contact with an ex girlfriend. They’ll tell you that you’ve screwed up any chance of getting her back if you even say hello to her, but that really isn’t the case. In your situation, just limit the contact as much as possible for a little while and you should be okay.

Should I Try No Contact With My Ex Girlfriend?

If you don’t already know what the no contact rule is,  I am going to explain it as briefly as I can without leaving too much out: 

The idea is that you need to have a brief period of time where you have literally no contact with your ex girlfriend and that if you do that,  your chances of being able to win her back are going to skyrocket.  It’s a good idea and the theory behind it does sound kind of plausible,  but you might still be wondering about whether or not YOU should try having no contact with your ex girlfriend if you want to be able to get her back.

Well,  there are some things that you need to know first about the no contact rule:

1.  The no contact rule is not a magic bullet that will solve all your problems for you.  

Sometimes I think the idea of having no contact gets pushed as if it is a magic bullet,  like if you have no contact with her for a little while,  that she will automatically come back to you.  Yeah.  It doesn’t quite work like that.  It helps your chances for sure,  but it doesn’t mean that she is DEFINITELY going to come back to you.  There are a lot of other variables that come into play.

2.  Not everyone can literally have no contact with their ex girlfriend.

Let’s say that you have a child with her.  Well,  in order to have no contact at all with your ex girlfriend,  that would pretty much mean that you’d be having no contact with your child.  So,  obviously in a situation like that,  it’s not going to be absolutely no contact at all.  With that kind of a scenario,  you want to have limited contact with her.  Another common scenario is if you work or go to school with your ex girlfriend.  You might run into her in those places and if you do,  it’s fine to smile or say hello,  just don’t try to hang out with her too much.  Again,  a situation like that calls for limited contact more than anything else.

3.  There are MANY MORE steps to getting back an ex girlfriend besides having no contact.

Like I said,  this isn’t the antidote to what ails ya.  There are many more steps that you need to take in order to actually get back with your ex girlfriend.  The real benefit that you get from having no contact with your ex girlfriend is that you and her both have some time to cool off and you won’t do what most men do and say something stupid to her when you are not really thinking.


Chris Tyler

P.S.  By itself,  the no-contact rule’s not magic.  It won’t be the ONLY thing you need to do to win her back.  You still have to know what works to make her feel INTENSE attraction again,  Luckily,  when you use the no-contact rule the right way AND you know how to make her feel that intense attraction again,  that’s when getting her back can be downright EASY.

And I can show you exactly what you need to do.  Over the years,  I’ve helped hundreds of guys get back their girlfriend.

Some of them were in what seemed like desperate and hopeless situations.

I can do the same for you.