What to Say to Your Ex Girlfriend Right After the Break Up

In case you are not already aware of this –  the time right after breaking up is probably the most crucial time that there is.  If you say the wrong things to your ex girlfriend during this time period,  you may end up throwing away ANY chance that you have of being able to win her back.

Countless men have had to learn this the hard way,  as they said something in the heat of the moment that made such a lasting mark on their ex girlfriend –  she vowed that she would never get back together with them no matter what they did or tried.

I don’t say this to scare you,  just to point out a truth that you have to be aware of.

Like it or not,  the things that you say right now to her can wind up either making her feel like you are the biggest jerk there is,  or make her feel like you still might be the guy for her.

What I think you would want is for her to feel as though you still might be the guy for her.  As long as she feels that way,  then it kind of ends up being up to you whether or not you win her back.  And that is a position that you want to be in.

You want to be the one who makes the final decision about whether or not you will be getting your ex girlfriend back.

Don’t Say Too Much Too Soon…

Another thing that you need to be careful of,  is that you don’t say too much to her about the way that you feel too soon.  If this is a real break up,  and not one of those teenage ones where you get back together like an hour later,  then you need to do two things.  You need to allow her to have some time away from you so that she can feel what it is like to miss you.  You also need to make sure that she is not totally aware of the fact that you want her back.  You want to make her wonder what is really on your mind.

Try No Contact with Your Ex Girlfriend for a While…

You may have heard of the no contact rule in terms of a break up and wondered whether or not it is really the way to go.  For most situations,  it is.  When you have no contact you are allowing her to have that time and space that she needs and you are also allowing yourself to cool down and gather your thoughts so that you don’t say something stupid to her in the heat of the moment.

There really is no hard and fast rule to how much time you want to go with no contact,  but at the very least you should probably go for at least a week.  That way you make sure that you don’t say or do the wrong things in this crucial time.

How Do I Get My Ex Girlfriend to Talk to Me Again – 3 Tips That Work Well

I am going to have to start off by saying that there is no way that you can come up with an *absolute guarantee* that your ex girlfriend is going to talk to you again.

Sometimes the silent treatment from an ex girlfriend does turn out to be a permanent condition and that is one thing that you kind of just have to accept. If you have the unreal expectation that you can “force” your ex girlfriend to talk to you again, I’d have to say that you are probably being a bit unrealistic.

However, there are some things that you can do that will make it a little bit more likely that your ex girlfriend will talk to you again.

As long as you don’t do anything that is going to make her feel like you are “stalking” her or anything like that, then you most likely will be able to get some semblance of conversation going on with her.

That is a good place to start if you want to get her back or if you just want to be sure that things ended on the best of terms.

Here are 3 tips that usually work well to get your ex girlfriend to talk to you again:

1) Before you try and speak to your ex girlfriend again, make sure that you give her an appropriate amount of time with no contact.

Having no contact with your ex girlfriend is big when it comes to break ups. If you are constantly trying to get her to talk to you, then you need to take a break from that for a little while and then come back when there has been a little bit of a time buffer before you try and get her talking to you. Think of it as a kind of “relationship reset” if you will.

2) Start off the conversation nonchalant and about something that she would enjoy talking about.

This is really the best way to break the ice with anyone, but especially an ex girlfriend that has been giving you the silent treatment. Make the conversation about her and not you and don’t immediately get into deep stuff like telling her how much you want to win her back. You need to be a little more reserved than that.

3) Learn how to segue the conversation so that it comes back around to talking about you and her.

This is what really takes practice. If you are not very good at segues when it comes to conversation, then you may want to get good at this. You can have a pretty easy time if you are able to bring things back around full circle to talk about you and her, but only AFTER you have had nonchalant conversation about things that she likes to talk about.


I’m going to give you a 4th tip.  And this is an important one.  Because it has to do with the psychology of dealing with an ex girlfriend.  Because a lot of the success you either have or don’t have,  has a lot to do with the psychology of dealing with an ex girlfriend.

So here it is:

Do NOT get hung up on asking the question,  “Why won’t my ex girlfriend talk to me again,”  over and over again.

It’s one of those questions that you’ll come up with 100 possible answers for.  And it’s highly likely that you still won’t have the right one.  Not only that,  it assumes a final outcome.  It assumes that she’s never going to talk to you again and that’s not necessarily true.

Should I Try to Be Casual When Talking to My Ex Girlfriend?

Question:  I am pretty nervous for some reason when I am talking to my ex girlfriend.  I don’t know why that is.  I wasn’t nervous talking to her when we were dating.  I am starting to feel like that nervousness while speaking to her is probably hurting my chances of being able to get her back.  Should I try to be casual when I talk to my ex girlfriend?

Answer:  YES!  You should be casual when you talk to her.  It will increase the chances of you being able to get her back.  There is a good reason why you feel nervous around her now when you used not to when you were dating her.  When you were dating her,  you knew that she was your girl.  You knew that she liked you.  The moment that a woman breaks up with you,  you no longer know that.  She isn’t your girl.  She becomes a woman you are trying to impress and you are trying to get her to like you.

That’s why you get nervous when talking to your ex girlfriend.  And yes,  it does hurt your chances of being able to get her back.  Now,  on the other hand if you can be totally cool and casual –  you will increase the odds that she’ll come back to you.

Here’s why you want to be casual around your ex girlfriend:

Women FEED OFF of the VIBES that you are giving off.  They just do.  So,  when you start to act nervous around your ex girlfriend,  it makes her feel nervous.  However,  it’s not the “I have butterflies in my stomach because I like him” kind of nervous,  it’s the “this feels awkward” kind of nervous.

That feeling makes her want to GET AWAY from you.

Obviously,  that is not what you want to do.  You do not want your ex girlfriend to feel like being around you is awkward.  You want her to feel comfortable around you.  At the same time,  you want to make her feel that butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling,  but that only comes when you act casual and confident around your ex girlfriend.