Question: Recently, I was dumped by my girlfriend and I don’t really know why she broke up with me. I don’t really feel like getting back together is the right thing to do, but I do want to know why it was that she broke up with me. I think that whatever her reason was, it could help me out if I end up with a new girlfriend. It used to be so easy, now I find it hard to talk to my ex girlfriend. How do I start a conversation with my ex girlfriend about the break up so that she tells me the truth about why she ended the relationship?
Answer: I totally get where you are coming from and to be honest, I think it is kind of cool that you want to know what her reasons for ending the relationship were. After all, you can’t really learn how to be a better boyfriend unless you know what mistakes that you have made in the past. You might want to remind yourself, though, that she doesn’t really “owe” you an answer, even if you do feel kind of like she does. Keep that in mind, because sometimes, we just don’t get to find out what the REAL reason was.
What I would do is try to get in touch with her and let her know right off the bat that you are not trying to get back together. You might have to reinforce that a couple of times, because she’ll probably be a little bit skeptical about what your real intentions are. At that point, let her know that you are just trying to “better” yourself and that you want to know what you did wrong or what you could have done differently that would have made her want to stay with you.
As long as you don’t rehash old wounds, you will probably get somewhat of an answer from her. Just don’t expect her to spill the beans on all of the reasons why she ended the relationship. She might not be ready to talk about that, she might not even know, as sometimes a woman will end a relationship based on her feelings more than anything else.
It’s a very good idea to find out what you might have done wrong so that you don’t make the same mistakes with the next girlfriend. Be realistic and know that as much as you might want to know all of her reasons, you might not find out EVERYTHING.