How Does The No Contact Rule Help to Win Back My Ex Girlfriend?

Question:  Okay,  so I have heard time and time again that the no contact rule will help me to win back my ex girlfriend.  The problem is,  I am not really sure how it will help.  Doesn’t having no contact with her mean that she is going to forget about me?  Shouldn’t I be trying more ways to spend time with her so that I can make her want me back?  I don’t really get it.

Answer:  I totally understand where you are coming from.  It is kind of counter intuitive to think that having no contact at all with your ex girlfriend would be a good thing.  Logically, it sounds like spending more time around her would be a good thing.  Here is what you have to realize,  though.

Break ups are an emotional time.  Logic and intuition kind of go out the window.

The reason why having no contact generally has a positive effect on being able to win her back is because of a few things:

1)  Most couples after the break up are harboring some kind of animosity and resentment towards one another.

Having time apart allows you to deal with that without running the risk of having yet another argument or doing or saying something that is going to get under your ex’s skin in a bad way.

2)  Absence making the heart grow fonder is usually a true cliche.

It’s a cliche that we have all heard before,  but it has lasted because there is a lot of truth in it.  When you are away from someone,  you’ll usually start to think about them a little bit more idealistically.  Meaning, you’ll forget a lot of the complaints that you had about that person and only think about the good qualities and the good times.  Plus,  that feeling of missing someone can be pretty hard to resist.  I am sure you know what I mean with that one.  When you find yourself missing your ex girlfriend,  that is probably when you want her back the most,  right?

3)  It gives you ample time to figure out exactly what you need to do to win her back.

Don’t think that time apart alone is going to do the trick.  Sometimes it does,  but most of the time,  it’s just one element in winning back your ex girlfriend.  The other element is to create or recreate physical desire.  You need your ex girlfriend to want you again physically.  Missing you means that she is going to feel like she wants you emotionally – but add to it her wanting you physically … now you have a strategy that actually works.

My Ex Girlfriend Says She is Confused – Will She Come Back?

Question:  My ex girlfriend says that she is confused when I ask her about getting back together.  Usually,  she tries to change the subject.  Sometimes,  she seems like she does want to get back together and other times,  it seems like she doesn’t.  Will she come back to me or am I just wasting my time?

Answer:  It’s pretty common for people to feel confused about exactly the way that they feel right after a break up.  I am willing to bet that if you were being honest with yourself,  you’d admit that you kind of feel confused from time to time as well.

The first thing that I would suggest is that you try to be patient with your ex girlfriend.  If she says she needs some time to think about it,  give her that time she needs.   Nothing will make her come to a decision faster than you pressuring her,  the only thing is –  you probably will not like that decision.  It’ll probably be that she doesn’t want to come back to you.

Another thing that I would suggest,  as hard as it might be,  is to try not to make your ex girlfriend be so important to you right now.  I know,  that can be hard when that is the way that you feel,  but if your ex girlfriend is confused about things right now,  it might be a good idea to back off at least a bit.  And if you don’t have anything else to distract you,  that can be hard to do.  So,  make sure that you are still making time for friends,  doing the things that you’d normally do,  and even have an eye out for other women.

If you do want to get her back,  there are several things that you can do to make that happen,  but if you put too much importance on your ex girlfriend or you put too much pressure on her,  you might end up making it way harder than it should be or has to be.  Will she come back?  Maybe,  if you do the right things.  But,  keep an open mind to the possibility that she might not and that you will be fine even if she doesn’t.

Why do you think my ex girlfriend won’t stop texting me?

Question: My ex and I broke up a while ago after dating for about a year. During that time, she leaned on me a lot for support. Since the break up, she texts me just as much and maybe more than she did when we were dating. But it’s always just her venting about something or looking for emotional support. I’d be lying if I said a part of me doesn’t like the fact that she’s still texting me all the time. But it’s confusing. Because I am trying to move on and it’s pretty hard to do when she keeps contacting me. Why do you think she won’t stop texting me? Is it just for venting and emotional support or does she want to get back together?

Answer: From what you’ve said, I think you already know what the answer probably is. Now, there are probably things that I don’t know, details that you might have left out. But from what I can gather from your question, I’d say it is pretty likely that she likes (and maybe feels like she needs) to keep you around to support her emotionally and for her to be able to vent about stuff.

  • Ask yourself, if that DID mean she wanted you back, would that be the kind of relationship you’d want to be in?
  • Would you want to be her psychological sounding board?

I can’t answer that for you. What I can say, is that I wouldn’t want that. Sure, when you are dating someone, you do sound off every now and again. That’s to be expected. But if that’s the bulk of what is keeping the two of you together … well, that doesn’t sound like much fun.

Here’s what you could do as a little bit of a test.

If all of her texts are her sounding off and nothing else … Ignore them.

See what she does next. You’ll know if she wants you around only to be her emotional sounding board if you ignore those texts and she stops texting you.

On the other hand, if you ignore those and she starts sending you texts that are more fun and flirty, then maybe she does want to get back together.

But still, you gotta ask yourself …

What kind of relationship do you want to be in?

And if she can’t give you that relationship, there’s nothing wrong with staying broken up, moving on, and totally ignoring her texts.