Question: Okay, so I have heard time and time again that the no contact rule will help me to win back my ex girlfriend. The problem is, I am not really sure how it will help. Doesn’t having no contact with her mean that she is going to forget about me? Shouldn’t I be trying more ways to spend time with her so that I can make her want me back? I don’t really get it.
Answer: I totally understand where you are coming from. It is kind of counter intuitive to think that having no contact at all with your ex girlfriend would be a good thing. Logically, it sounds like spending more time around her would be a good thing. Here is what you have to realize, though.
Break ups are an emotional time. Logic and intuition kind of go out the window.
The reason why having no contact generally has a positive effect on being able to win her back is because of a few things:
1) Most couples after the break up are harboring some kind of animosity and resentment towards one another.
Having time apart allows you to deal with that without running the risk of having yet another argument or doing or saying something that is going to get under your ex’s skin in a bad way.
2) Absence making the heart grow fonder is usually a true cliche.
It’s a cliche that we have all heard before, but it has lasted because there is a lot of truth in it. When you are away from someone, you’ll usually start to think about them a little bit more idealistically. Meaning, you’ll forget a lot of the complaints that you had about that person and only think about the good qualities and the good times. Plus, that feeling of missing someone can be pretty hard to resist. I am sure you know what I mean with that one. When you find yourself missing your ex girlfriend, that is probably when you want her back the most, right?
3) It gives you ample time to figure out exactly what you need to do to win her back.
Don’t think that time apart alone is going to do the trick. Sometimes it does, but most of the time, it’s just one element in winning back your ex girlfriend. The other element is to create or recreate physical desire. You need your ex girlfriend to want you again physically. Missing you means that she is going to feel like she wants you emotionally – but add to it her wanting you physically … now you have a strategy that actually works.